BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. You've found your thrill on blueberry Bill.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Buell Theater in Denver, Colo., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. It's so great to finally be doing our show in the city of Denver. We have, over the years...
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Yes. We have, over the years, played Boulder, and they were too liberal.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And we played Colorado Springs, and they were too conservative.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So we're happy to be in Denver, where you are all too stoned to care.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: I am kidding. No, we are not going to waste your time with lame pot jokes. We're going to save them up for the governor of Colorado, John Hickenlooper...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...When he joins us to play Not My Job. But first, make sure you have a clear head when you give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
ANDREW MADES: Hello.
SAGAL: Hi, who's this?
MADES: This is Andrew Mades of Holston, Mass.
SAGAL: Oh, I know that area. What do you do there?
MADES: I'm an interior painter.
SAGAL: An interior painter.
MADES: Yes.
SAGAL: So you paint the interiors then?
(LAUGHTER)
MADES: Yes.
SAGAL: Well, Andrew, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a comedian performing at Levity Live Comedy Club in Nyack, N.Y., April 13 and 15, Alonzo Bodden.
ALONZO BODDEN: Hello.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And a comedian you can see Friday, May 19, at the Majestic Theater in Dallas, Texas, Paula Poundstone.
(APPLAUSE)
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey.
SAGAL: And a man who will be appearing at an event in New York City on April 25 that you can't buy tickets for. He just likes people to know he's not always sitting around at home in his sweatpants. It's Tom Bodett.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
TOM BODETT: Hello, Andrew.
MADES: Hello.
SAGAL: So, Andrew, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, correctly identify or explain that two times out of three, you win our prize. You ready to play?
MADES: Yes, sir.
SAGAL: Here is your first quote. It is from Donald Trump back on the campaign trail talking about how he would deal with a certain foreign leader.
KURTIS: I'd get him a McDonald's hamburger. And I'd say, we got to get down to work. I would give him a double, probably a double-size Big Mac.
SAGAL: Mr. Trump, as it turns out, is not getting this guy a Big Mac but rather a nice meal at Mar-a-Lago. It's the leader of what country?
MADES: China, I believe.
SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: It is the most important international summit of the Trump dynasty's early period.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Trump is treating Chinese President Xi Jinping to a feast at Mar-a-Lago. It'll feature the president's favorite classic Chinese dishes, number 32...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Number 45 and a can of La Choy fried noodles.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: You know, did you - I saw the handshake. Did you see the handshake?
SAGAL: I did not see the handshake. How was this one?
POUNDSTONE: The handshake - it was good. And I thought, how much coaching must he have had on that handshake?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Do you know that this apparently is a thing, that foreign leaders - people who are going to meet the president - are prepped on how to deal with his handshake?
POUNDSTONE: Really?
SAGAL: Do you think Xi Jinping handled it well?
POUNDSTONE: It was good. No, it was just - I think that they probably worked with, like - you know, Kellyanne Conway was his partner and Steve Bannon worked with a stopwatch.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: And, you know, they...
BODETT: No, it was good. He did it with great alacrity. He - like, he grabbed it, he looked him right in the eye and he leaned in, and then he let go.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, he let go.
BODETT: It was very different from previous handshakes.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, that's the key. Yeah, I think...
BODDEN: Isn't it great that that's where the bar is?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Like, you're the president of the United States and we're like, wow, what a handshake.
SAGAL: Oh, yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
BODDEN: He's mastered that.
SAGAL: Yeah, it's amazing. It only took him - what? - 11 weeks in office, but he's able to shake people's hands without seeming like he's molesting them.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Yeah, that's - wow.
POUNDSTONE: Apparently, they did have - he did - was it President - X-I, isn't it?
SAGAL: It's Xi.
BODETT: It's Xi.
SAGAL: Xi - we tend to pronounce it she, which is confusing. For example, you know, when the president was told, Mr. President, Xi is here. And he's like, she is? Is she hot? Does Melania know?
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Well, speaking of which...
SAGAL: Yes.
POUNDSTONE: ...Do we know - like, the last time they were in Florida, when they were there with the Japanese president...
SAGAL: Yes.
POUNDSTONE: ...Right? - or prime minister, Mrs. Trump, Melania, took Mrs. Abe off - they went to - she took her to Japanese Gardens.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Well, don't you think Mrs. Abe was like, we have those?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: I want to go to Disneyland.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, had we nothing uniquely American we could have shown her? Like, look, here's a meth lab.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: It's our growth industry. Andrew, your next quote is from a senior White House official who was apparently feeling a little underappreciated this week.
KURTIS: If you don't want me, I'll take my talents elsewhere.
SAGAL: Who, allegedly, is feeling unwanted after he was thrown off the National Security Council?
MADES: Oh, is that Steve Bannon?
SAGAL: It is Steve Bannon, yes.
(SOUNDBIE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Yes, the man who makes - that's Steve Bannon, the man who makes the portrait of Dorian Gray itself go, what did that guy do?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This week, apparently at the insistence of the national security adviser, General McMasters (ph), Bannon was removed from the National Security Council. Of course, the White House spun it. They said this was the plan all along. Bannon was just supposed to be in the council to, quote, "de-operationalize it." They're literally now just making up words.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: When Bannon is finally fired, they'll say he was de-employified (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: So de-operal (ph)...
POUNDSTONE: De-operational (ph)...
SAGAL: De-operationalize.
BODETT: That's, like, make it so it doesn't work anymore?
SAGAL: Nobody has any idea.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: So - but he was successful at it?
SAGAL: Yes. Whatever he sets out to do...
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, because that was what he was there to do. You know - yeah. Apparently, that phrase has replaced spend time with your family.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: To de-operation (ph) - now that I've de-operationalized this.
BODDEN: Well, I think...
POUNDSTONE: Normally when they fire somebody they say, well, he's left to spend more time with his family.
BODDEN: Well, nobody would believe that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It was a tragedy to lose the great comedian Don Rickles this week, especially because he died before he had a shot at Steve Bannon.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He might have pointed out, you know, Steve Bannon looks like what's left behind after Donald Trump gets liposuction.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He might - I wouldn't say that. But Don Rickles would.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, but Don Rickles might have.
SAGAL: Rickles might have said, Steve Bannon, I know that Darth Vader's your idol, but at least that guy had the decency to wear a mask.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: He definitely would've said that.
SAGAL: Yes. Yes. Yes.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, but you never would've.
SAGAL: No. No. I'm far too decent. Many people are suggesting that Bannon was brought down by his rival, Jared Kushner. You know, Kushner did this in addition to the other thing Trump has asked his son-in-law to do, everything.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He's been put in charge of ending the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, reinventing government and ending the opioid crisis. This is all true.
POUNDSTONE: I just love the idea that he could get a family member to do all of that. I mean, I ask my daughter to vacuum and she looks at me funny.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: She says stuff like, well, it was your idea to live in a house.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here, Andrew, is your last quote.
KURTIS: We were trying to project a global message of unity and peace and understanding. Clearly we missed the mark and apologize.
SAGAL: That was a company apologizing for a commercial that they released and then instantly withdrew this week. What's the company?
MADES: That was Coke. No, sorry, you don't have Coke. It's Pepsi.
SAGAL: Exactly, Pepsi.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
BODETT: Ooh. Ooh.
SAGAL: So if you haven't seen it, the ad shows model Kendall Jenner, who apparently is using another name to hide the fact that she's a Kardashian, at a high-fashion photo shoot when she walks away from it all to take part in a street protest. The protesters, who are all attractive and happy, wave signs like join the conversation because if there's one thing that will make people take to the streets it's not having enough people for their discussion group.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: The whole riot police without riot gear...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: ...Thing was interesting.
SAGAL: Did you know this, that apparently in the widespread mocking of this, people started using a hashtag, #pepsilivesmatter?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: To which, of course, all kinds of white people started saying, no, all sodas matter.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Wait. Wait...
BODDEN: They did unify us in not liking another Kardashian.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: That's true.
BODDEN: That was the one thing - because she was the one that was kind of on the line, right? There was, like, hope, like, maybe she's OK or this or that. And then now everybody's like, nope, this one, too.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Andrew do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Andrew may have gotten a perfect score, but he's going to have to repaint that living room.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah. Andrew, thank you so much for playing. Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
MADES: Well, thank you very much.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.