BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Who needs the London Philharmonic? You've got the Billharmonic (ph).
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KURTIS: Bill Kurtis.
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KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank You, Bill.
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SAGAL: Thanks everybody. We have a show today that will make your drive to soccer practice a complete joy.
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SAGAL: Later on we're going to be joined by the great actor Terry O'Quinn. He's played dozens of roles, but he's probably most famous for playing John Locke on the series "Lost." That was the show that was about a mysterious island that seemed at the time to be a strange version of hell. These days it doesn't seem so bad.
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SAGAL: Give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
CAROL ORTLIP: Hello you guys. It's me, Carol Ortlip...
SAGAL: Hey Carol.
ORTLIP: ...From Spofford, N.H.
SAGAL: We were hoping you'd call.
ORTLIP: I know you've been waiting, yes.
SAGAL: We have. When's Carol calling?
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Carol, from where in New Hampshire?
ORTLIP: Spofford.
SAGAL: (Imitating New England accent) Spofford?
POUNDSTONE: Oh, Spofford.
TOM BODETT: Spofford - I live like four miles from you in Dummerston, Vt.
ORTLIP: I know, Tom. I know. I used to live in Brattleboro, for heaven's sakes. Yeah, we're neighbors.
BODETT: Yeah, you left because of the taxes, didn't you?
ORTLIP: It was getting rough. It was getting rough, yes.
BODETT: Wow.
POUNDSTONE: Carol, do you remember the night you called the cops on Tom for noise?
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ORTLIP: Yes, I do. And I'm still very upset - very upset with Tom.
SAGAL: Well, Carol, let me introduce you to our panel this week. You've already heard from some of them. First up, it's a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and the host of "The Henry Ford's Innovation Nation" Saturday mornings on CBS. It's Mo Rocca.
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ORTLIP: Hi, Mo Rocca.
MO ROCCA: Hi Carol. How are you?
ORTLIP: Hi, I'm good, Mo. How are you?
ROCCA: Good, thanks.
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SAGAL: Next, it's the comedian who will be performing at the Bergen Performing Arts Center in Englewood, N.J, on September 23. It's Paula Poundstone.
POUNDSTONE: Hi Carol.
ORTLIP: Hi.
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SAGAL: And finally, it's a folksy humorist who uses his honey-toned voice to lure you back to a cheap motel.
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SAGAL: It's Tom Bodett.
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BODETT: (Laughter) Oh, I asked for it.
SAGAL: You actually did. Carol, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our immortal prize - scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to do this?
ORTLIP: Absolutely.
SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.
KURTIS: "It was a positive discussion about their primary campaign."
SAGAL: That was a spokesman for the Hillary Clinton campaign lying about their candidate's big peace meeting this week with whom?
ORTLIP: Oh man, Tom, you know who it is, right? Bernie.
SAGAL: Bernie...
ORTLIP: All right.
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SAGAL: Bernie Sanders, yes. Hillary's meeting with Bernie Sanders was the most tense meeting of political enemies in Washington since the time Thomas Jefferson sat down with Bernie Sanders.
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SAGAL: He was a younger man then. He was angry about the influence of the thousand-aire class.
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SAGAL: So Bernie can't win the nomination. He even lost the Democratic primary, the last one on Tuesday. But he has leverage - unless he says the word, his supporters will sit out the fall election. They will also refuse to sell you your kombucha and will continue to make Facebook unbearable.
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ROCCA: Is he - I mean - yeah, he hasn't dropped out, so...
SAGAL: No.
ROCCA: ...He's going to be like one of those Japanese soldiers...
SAGAL: Yeah.
ROCCA: ...That 30 years after the end of World War II...
SAGAL: Well, he's - yeah, exactly.
ROCCA: ...Thought it was still happening.
SAGAL: He's going to go from hiding place to hiding place, moving across the country, attacking where he will, sort of like a combination of Zorro and my Jewish grandfather.
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SAGAL: And people would be like who left this mark of a Z and an inadequate tip?
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BODETT: Well, I think they may be dividing up the spoils.
SAGAL: Really?
BODETT: Seriously, yes 'cause Hillary says OK, I'm going to run the White House and you're going to run the Senate. So you go out on the road, you deliver all your supporters and you get the Senate flipped, and you be in charge over there. I'll be in charge over here. We'll get everything you want done, and I'll get everything I want done. And that's how she played it.
SAGAL: Right.
BODETT: Yes.
SAGAL: You think that's what she did?
POUNDSTONE: You think?
BODETT: Yeah, yeah.
SAGAL: Well, the problem...
POUNDSTONE: And were they high when they had that conversation?
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SAGAL: Oh yeah, absolutely.
POUNDSTONE: Because everyone's going to get everything they want done?
ROCCA: Well, they were eating a lot of Ben & Jerry's.
SAGAL: Yeah.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah.
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SAGAL: For your next quote, here is a presidential candidate responding with his usual sensitivity and understanding to the criticism he's getting from members of his own party.
KURTIS: "Be quiet - just please be quiet. Don't talk."
SAGAL: Who thinks he's doing just great without your damned meddling?
ORTLIP: Well, I have to say it's the Donald.
SAGAL: It is the Donald.
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SAGAL: A man, a phenomenon.
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SAGAL: This was the week that garbage dumpsters started refusing to catch on fire to protest their being compared to the Trump campaign.
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SAGAL: Trump - or as one Republican operative called him this week Cheeto Jesus...
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SAGAL: ...Managed to unite America in slack-jawed amazement this week - first, his reaction to the Orlando shootings, and then he banned of The Washington Post from covering him because they did so accurately.
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SAGAL: And this is the amazing thing - he is the presumptive nominee for president of the Republican Party. And he is refusing to actually campaign for the presidency. The Republican National Committee asked him - they got his promise that he would call 20 wealthy donors to ask for donations. He called three and gave up.
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SAGAL: That's true. And this actually may be the thing that turns Trump's image around for the American people. Finally, he seems human. What normal person would want to talk to 20 rich Republican donors in a row?
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ROCCA: It's just - I just feel so terrible for Lincoln. I just feel like he's watching this going I went through all of that for this.
SAGAL: Right.
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POUNDSTONE: You know what's even worse? I feel bad for Nixon.
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POUNDSTONE: He's saying oh, I went through all of this for this.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know. The biggest news this week came out in Vanity Fair. It suggested that Donald is planning to start his own TV network.
POUNDSTONE: Oh, I hope so.
SAGAL: He apparently...
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SAGAL: He apparently is...
POUNDSTONE: It's like how - you know what? It's like having a rebellious teenage son that you just hope will play basketball.
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POUNDSTONE: You know, just something - just an activity, you know what I mean?
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SAGAL: Something nonviolent, won't hurt anybody.
BODETT: Right.
POUNDSTONE: Exactly.
ROCCA: A TV network - that's great. We're going to encourage it.
POUNDSTONE: Honestly, wouldn't that be wonderful? Donald, the American people and I have been talking...
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POUNDSTONE: ...And we are so excited about your network. And we will support your network in any way we can, right? And we'll come to all your shows.
BODETT: Just set down the party.
POUNDSTONE: Right, just put the party down...
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...Gently.
SAGAL: Yeah. Carol, here is your last quote.
ORTLIP: Yay.
SAGAL: Yay, she's ready to be done.
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SAGAL: All right...
KURTIS: "You might feel a sense of excitement, fear, sadness or some combination of all those emotions."
SAGAL: So that was the CEO of LinkedIn - you know, LinkedIn...
ORTLIP: Yes.
SAGAL: ...Speaking about that company's sale to what other company this week?
ORTLIP: Ooh, ooh, yikes. It's one of those guys. What's that...
SAGAL: It's one of those guys.
ORTLIP: Yeah, yeah. Give me a - any hints?
ROCCA: It's not a hard answer.
ORTLIP: It's...
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ORTLIP: Microsoft?
SAGAL: Microsoft, yes.
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ORTLIP: Yeah.
SAGAL: Very good.
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SAGAL: LinkedIn is the social network that's annoying...
ROCCA: Stalker.
SAGAL: Yes, and seems to be completely useless, so of course Microsoft wanted it.
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SAGAL: Microsoft paid $26 billion in cash for the company.
POUNDSTONE: Sort of like buying Baltic Avenue in "Monopoly," isn't it?
SAGAL: Yeah, a little bit.
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SAGAL: For $26 billion.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, like...
SAGAL: And you're like dudes, no one's going to land on that.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah.
POUNDSTONE: And if they do, they pay you 2 bucks.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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POUNDSTONE: Plus, LinkedIn - I get these emails all the time. It says so and so wants to connect.
ROCCA: Would like to add you to my professional...
POUNDSTONE: And I think what loser would want to connect with me for business reasons?
BODETT: Yeah, right.
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POUNDSTONE: They want to share my debt, apparently.
SAGAL: Apparent, yeah. I have to say - I mean, Microsoft has gone from being, you know, the big behemoth that ruined all our lives to something of a charity case. I really - does - I do hope this works for Microsoft or the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation's next cause will be trying to save Microsoft.
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POUNDSTONE: I love the idea of them doing commercials, you know, like those - you know the late-night commercials where they're begging? Like, OK, I'm an animal lover, but I cannot stand those commercials with the sad voice showing, like, the kitten.
ROCCA: Right.
POUNDSTONE: And they'll go, you know, this is another Christmas alone for this kitten.
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POUNDSTONE: I'm like anybody can tell, first of all, that's a Jewish kitten, number one.
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POUNDSTONE: I don't know, but I love the idea of that kind of commercial for Microsoft, you know?
SAGAL: Yeah.
POUNDSTONE: Microsoft...
SAGAL: Hello, I'm...
POUNDSTONE: ...Alone again without your giving.
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SAGAL: Bill, how did Carol do on our quiz?
KURTIS: She got all three right.
SAGAL: Congratulations.
ORTLIP: Yay.
SAGAL: Thank you so much, Carol, bye-bye.
KURTIS: Bye-Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.