BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Adam Felber, Paula Poundstone and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host at the Auditorium Theatre in Rochester, N.Y. His name is Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill gets 87 likes on Instag-rhyme (ph). It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Paula, you may be worried about our country, but don't be. Despite our problems, our country has managed to amass a 1.2 billion-pound strategic reserve of what.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Figs.
SAGAL: No.
ADAM FELBER: That was my guess, too.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Do you want to give me a hint, Peter?
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, now we need, in order to match this, is to build up our strategic national reserve of crackers.
POUNDSTONE: Oh, cheese?
SAGAL: Yes, cheese.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
POUNDSTONE: We've got a big surplus of cheese? What?
SAGAL: We have an enormous cheese surplus.
POUNDSTONE: Oh, my God.
SAGAL: In fact, our cheese surplus is so great that every American - every single American - would have to eat three extra pounds of cheese this year to deplete it. And upon hearing this, every single American responded, challenge accepted.
(LAUGHTER)
FELBER: So where are we keeping our cheese reserves?
SAGAL: That's a - I guess...
FELBER: I don't understand how we could say that we have a surplus.
POUNDSTONE: We move it around on trains, Peter.
(LAUGHTER)
AMY DICKINSON: Well, obviously...
POUNDSTONE: Hillary doesn't want Trump to have his finger on the cheese controls. I don't trust him. You know, I got to tell you a weird little fact.
SAGAL: Please.
POUNDSTONE: Well, I was diagnosed a year or so ago with glaucoma, and I was told that one of the things I can no longer do is get constipated.
FELBER: Like, you're not allowed or you can't?
POUNDSTONE: I was told that I'm not allowed. And...
SAGAL: That's such a shame because I know that's one of your hobbies.
POUNDSTONE: Well, it...
FELBER: Wow, that is...
POUNDSTONE: Honestly, it was disappointing. It never occurred to me that it was an elective.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: But hence...
FELBER: You know, teenagers get together.
SAGAL: You know how it is.
POUNDSTONE: But the only thing I know of that, you know - like, I don't even know why I was constipated when I was constipated. The only thing I know about is the blinding cheeses. So what I'm suggesting is this is really more of a national crisis than something to be proud of because if we have extra cheese, we will go blind.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Adam, we love our dogs, but we hate dog hair on our furniture. Thankfully, there's a brand new product called Shed Defender. It's a what for your dog?
FELBER: A full-body doggy suit.
DICKINSON: (Laughter).
FELBER: Hairless doggy suit. It's like a condom that fits over an entire dog.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That is exactly what it is.
DICKINSON: No (laughter).
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
DICKINSON: No.
SAGAL: The Shed Defender, which is also your redneck uncle's nickname for his shotgun...
(LAUGHTER)
FELBER: Nobody comes near this shed.
SAGAL: ...Is a skin-tight leotard for your dog.
DICKINSON: Oh, come on.
SAGAL: Whenever he or she comes in, you just put it on. It traps their hair inside, protecting your precious furniture. The Shed Defender also works for cats. You just attempt to get your cat into the leotard and your couch will soon be covered in your own blood.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Then, you won't care about the hair. It covers everything but their head, tail and feet. It comes in seven colors, giving your dogs the full rainbow of humiliation.
FELBER: Yeah. It prevents shedding and any sense of self-worth.
SAGAL: Exactly.
POUNDSTONE: Honestly, that's exactly what I was thinking. You know, most of us don't particularly enjoy cleaning up dog waste and - or taking the dogs out to, you know, relieve themselves. It's sort of a pain in the neck, and I'm sure that we show some attitude to the dog as we deal with that.
FELBER: Which is why they always look so guilty when they're doing it.
POUNDSTONE: More than likely. And then you bring it home and you go, you know what? - I hate your fur, too. So get in this thing. I just - I sort of picture the dog laying, humiliated, on the couch going, what do you like about me?
DICKINSON: I know.
(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.