BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I am Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Mo Rocca and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host, Riverside Theater in Milwaukee, Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you so much, Bill Kurtis. In just a minute, Bill gets ready to rhyme bowl. It's the Listener Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Roxanne, despite presidential candidates claiming they want to bridge the partisan divide, the animosity between the parties lives on. In fact...
ROXANNE ROBERTS: They hate each other...
SAGAL: They do.
ROBERTS: ...So much.
SAGAL: We can give you some proof. In a New York, Democratic state senators are claiming Republicans up in Albany are intentionally depriving the Democrats of what?
ROBERTS: Is this dirty tricks?
SAGAL: It's a kind of - well, sort of a dirty trick. Yeah.
ROBERTS: Are they stealing the toilet paper?
SAGAL: They're - it's close enough. They are not giving them enough toilet paper.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The Democrats in Albany...
(APPLAUSE)
ROBERTS: That - that was just a random guess.
SAGAL: I know. But you're finally figuring out how this show works, Roxanne.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's like, you just say to yourself - I have no idea. I'll just name a thing in a bathroom. That'll probably get me there.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And you were right. According to Democrats in Albany, the GOP-controlled Senate is limiting their district offices to only six rolls of toilet paper per month. And if that weren't bad enough, the paper they're getting is single ply, and it's 100 percent recycled.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's - that's when you know that you've driven Republicans to the extreme, when they are willing to recycle.
(LAUGHTER)
LUKE BURBANK: It makes it so hard to reach across the aisle when you don't want to touch the other person's hands.
SAGAL: I know.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Mo, we're all familiar with the breathalyzer, you know, after you get pulled over. Well, now police have a new device that can tell if you've been doing what behind the wheel?
MO ROCCA: Smoking pot? Or...
SAGAL: No.
ROCCA: If you've been texting?
SAGAL: Yes, if you've been texting.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It's called the textalyzer. And yeah, you can applaud. That was a good answer. He got that pretty quick.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So if you're in a car accident, you hand over your phone, and the machine analyzes it to see if you were using it before the crash. Before the invention of the textalyzer, people had to rely on the fact that of course you were texting.
(LAUGHTER)
ROCCA: But wait. A text has a time code anyway. I mean, right?
SAGAL: Yeah. Well...
ROCCA: So the textalyzer looks at the phone and sees that there's fingerprints? Or what does it...
SAGAL: I actually - I don't...
BURBANK: It's a guy named Larry.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: He looks at the phone. Yeah, this is from four minutes ago.
ROBERTS: IT guy.
SAGAL: It might be the people knowing that they were in trouble erased their texts. Who knows?
ROCCA: Right.
SAGAL: It's bad if, of course, they find a text sent right before the crash. It's really bad if the text says sorry, too drunk to text.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: It's so tempting though, isn't it? Not the - I mean, well, the drunk texting also is tempting. But just everybody knows you shouldn't text in your car.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURBANK: But there are so many things I want to tell my wife about something I saw on "The Simpsons."
SAGAL: Yeah, I know. It's...
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: And who can wait eight minutes?
ROBERTS: So all right. All right, so let's be honest here. Do you text at red lights?
BURBANK: Yeah, I have been known to. I was trying to do a thing for a while where I just put the phone in the glove box and completely left it alone.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURBANK: But then I was forced to feel my feelings for over 20 minutes a day, which...
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: ...I was not ready to do.
SAGAL: Yeah, it's a terrifying place...
BURBANK: Yeah.
SAGAL: ...The inside of your head...
BURBANK: Oh, God.
SAGAL: ...Isn't it?
(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.