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Bluff The Listener

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Tom Bodett, Mo Rocca and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thanks everybody. Right now...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...It is time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ED COMEAU: Hi Peter. My name's Ed Comeau from Belchertown, Mass.

SAGAL: Ed Comeau from Belchertown, Mass.?

COMEAU: You heard it right.

SAGAL: I did.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And why is it called Belchertown?

COMEAU: Well, the story is in colonial days, they wanted to kind of cozy up to Governor John Belcher, so they named it after him. But supposedly he never set foot in the town.

SAGAL: Really?

TOM BODETT: Hey, I live in Dummerston. How do you think that happened?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Ed. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Ed's topic?

KURTIS: Dame Judi Dench - more like damn, Judi Dench.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Pride & Prejudice," "A Midsummer Night's Dream," "Jane Eyre," those are movies that sound like Dame Judi Dench probably would have been in them. I don't know. Whatever the case, the usually perfect British actress made a rare misstep this week. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, you will win our prize - Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

COMEAU: I am ready to play.

SAGAL: All right, first, let's hear from Mo Rocca.

MO ROCCA: There is nothing like a Dame to quell a rebellion among members of a British literary society. But the precise opposite happened when Dame Judi Dench, honorary president of the Bronte Society went absent from the group's annual meeting. The society is long accustomed to passionate rouse over the prose of Charlotte Bronte and the stylings of Emily Bronte. No one ever gets worked up about Anne Bronte.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Before the meeting even began, tension between the group's so-called modernists and traditionalists provoked the resignation of three longtime members. Without the intercession of Dench, the meeting itself devolved into a furious exchange of insults. What you might call withering heights, with one member comparing another to an officer of the East German Stasi, and some denigrating others as veritable Jane Eyre-heards (ph). At one point, former President Bonnie Greer was forced to use the heel of her Jimmy Choo shoe as a gavel to keep order. And where was Dench during all of this? No one could say. But one thing is certain - if the honorary President were Dame Maggie Smith - well, she could have been a thousand miles away and still none of this nonsense would've ensued.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Dame Judi Dench doesn't show up for a meeting of The Bronte Society and all hell breaks loose. Your next story of Judi Dench just blowing it for everybody comes from Paula Poundstone.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Goodbye Hello Kitty, hello Judyism dolls. Made by the Meet Novelty Toy Company, Judyism Dolls are the new thing among Japanese consumers. They are three 3-inch plastic bendable Judy dolls - Judy Garland, Judi Dench and Judy Jetson.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: They come in a package, each with their own accessories. The Judy Garland doll has a little microphone and a sporty hat. The Judy Jetson doll has a jet pack and a space dog. The Judy Dench doll has a plastic letter M and a pencil. They're fun. But if Judi Dench has her way, the fun is coming to a screeching Aston Martin DBS10 (ph) halt. She has filed a lawsuit against the Meets Novelty Toy Company. "I love my Japanese fans," says Dench. "But in addition to the Meets Novelty Toy Company profiting from my likeness - if you could call it a likeness - the face is much too wide. I am the only living character in the Judyism doll collection, and have the latest accessories."

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: "A pencil - Judy Jetson has a jet pack. A pencil - the real Judi Dench would have a pen that worked as a jet pack, a blender and a contraceptive device."

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: A pencil...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Dame Judy Dench puts the kibosh on the Judyism series of dolls from Japan. Your last story of acclaimed actress Judi Dench making a mess of everything comes from Tom Bodett.

BODETT: Finding tickets to "Hamilton" on Broadway is difficult. But not if you're Dame Judi Dench, who sat fourth row center last Saturday. Getting invited to the exclusive cast party at Tavern on the Green after winning eleven Tony Awards Sunday night was impossible, but not if you're Dame Judi Dench. Anyone would be thrilled and grateful to mingle with the creators of this tribute to America's fight for independence and her least-sung founding father, but not if you're Dame Judi Dench and a Knight of the Realm, who after four or five stiff Beefeater martinis cut into line at the buffet to confront "Hamilton" star and creator Lin-Manuel Miranda over the portrayal of King George in the musical. "There he was, a heartless cad in ermine robes, mincing about the stage. I am a dame team of the British Empire. I challenge you to a duel. Long live King George," she screamed to a potted fern as Miranda danced out of range of her brandish banana, amused.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Dame Judi Dench issued an apology on Tuesday, confiding that her great, great, great, great grandfather was killed in the American war for independence before he was able to meet her great, great, great grandfather. "You don't get over something like that in a couple of centuries" - not if you're Dame Judi Dench.

SAGAL: All right, so this is a story then of Dame Judi Dench causing problems. Was it from Mo Rocca, how her absence from the honorary chair of the Bronte Society led to a the break out of hostilities among that group, from Paula Poundstone, how she interfered with the popular sales of the Judyism series of dolls in Japan, or from Tom Bodett, how she got a little tipsy and challenged Lin-Manuel Miranda to a fight after the big win at the Tony's for "Hamilton?"

COMEAU: You're kidding me.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sadly not. One of them is true.

COMEAU: (Laughter). OK, well, I think I am going to have to go with Mo's response about the story about the Bronte Society.

POUNDSTONE: That's ridiculous.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So you are going - despite Paula's protestations - you are going to choose Mo's story of the Bronte Society breaking out into fisticuffs because Dame Judi Dench didn't show up. Well, we spoke to someone familiar with this actual tragedy.

JOHN THIRWELL: The Bronte Society was fed up. And it began pretty calmly, and then it sort of became a Donald Trump rally.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was John Thirwell, the chair of trustees of the Bronte Society, talking about how...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...How their meeting in the absence of James - Dame Judi Dench became a Trump rally. Congratulations Ed, you got it right. You earned a point for Mo. You've won our prize. Carl Kasell will record the greeting on your answering machine. Well done, sir.

COMEAU: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Bye-Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SUITE: JUDY BLUE EYES") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.